Dr. Dawna Ara, DACM

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10 Tips to Help You Say Farewell to Anger

Do you have a temper? Is your fuse too short? Are you an exploder or an imploder? Do you ever get mad, upset, enraged or have a temper-tantrum? Do you need to tame your tongue? Are you a yeller or screamer? Do others like your anger? Do you like your anger?

Some people say that it is only human and natural to get angry. I say that while it may be better to express your anger in a way that is not destructive, it is even better not to choose anger as a response to something that has already happened.

What is anger? It is TEMPORARY INSANITY! Even if it is just for a second or two, we are insane when the anger emotion overcomes clear thinking. In that short time, by what we say or do, we could hurt a loved one, become estranged from a friend, push away a business customer, lose our job, get into an auto accident, damage our arteries, even have a heart attack or stroke.

It is said that the ultimate victory in life is to conquer one's temper. Here are 10 tips to help you conquer your temper and say farewell to anger for good:

1. Develop the habit of interpreting everything in the best possible light. Remember: It is not the events of life that upset us, but rather the point of view that one takes of those events.

2. Get rid of all your shoulds and oughts. Negative judgments lead to out of control anger. So, stop shoulding and oughting.

3. Develop preferences on how you want things to be instead of emotional addictions. An emotional addiction is a demand that something or some person has to be a certain way in order for you to be happy.

4. Remember that in life we don’t lose them all. We win some and we lose some. We don’t win them all is another way of saying it to yourself. So, if something doesn’t go your way…chalk it up to one of those that you lost.

5. Believe that you can eliminate anger. What we believe, we tend to make a reality. 

6. Make this sentence part of your subconscious mind: I choose my feelings, and now, more and more, I choose to be happy all the time! 

7. Remember that everyone has the right to be the way they are. Work at allowing others to choose for themselves just as you want them to do for you. For example say to yourself, "that’s just how that person always is, always complaining – and that’s OK."

8. When you feel yourself getting upset, imagine a big red sign in your head going on with the word STOP! Like a time-out, immediately count to ten and tell yourself something good about what just happened.

9. Stop viewing anger as only human and natural. When, something happens that you don’t like, say to yourself, so what, and then ask yourself, now what? Say farewell to anger and engage your imagination to brainstorm options on what you might do about the situation.

10. Love yourself. You have better things to do with your time than to feel bad. If you love yourself, you will not ever burden yourself with destructive anger.

    About Charles Ara (website)
    Father Charles Ara is a man who wears many hats. Not only has he been a Catholic priest since 1956, he is also a professor, a human rights activist, a marriage, child, and family therapist, a father of 5 wacky kids, a fun loving grandpa, and a devoted husband to the world's greatest cook. He has marched side by side with an American icon by the name of Martin Luther King Jr. and fasted with the great Cesar Chavez. The 85 year old currently spends most of his time stirring up the status quo and annoying the far right with his liberal shenanigans.